Let’s say you go on a date. A first date.
You dress up like a prince and get your glossy watch on. You take an aromatic bath and brush your teeth white as deadbone. Then you spill an abundant portion of your most expensive cologne on your freshly shaved neck and leave home to find your sparkly car you washed in the morning. You fire up a Cesaria Evora CD and hit the road, sure you are gonna impress that sweetie to the bone.
Yes, you guessed it right. You are a Sales Manager.
And the date is with a manager of another company, that just happens to be female. She is gorgeous and all but you are totally interested in something else… You know she wants to get an ISO (or whatever) certification for her company, and the last requirement for the certification is a Risk Management / Penetration Test Schedule / 24-7 SIEM Service. It also just so happens that you work in a Security Company as well. And the game begins…
A game that feels more like a “cat & mouse” game than a “woman & man” game…
She tries to convince you that she has met other guys as well, almost as handsome as you, but she really likes your ways while you try to convince her that you are the best of your kind because you have the most expensive car of all other men.
She tries to convince you that her company has several other offers but she just wants to collaborate with you, while you try to convince her that your company has the best RA tools following the top latest standards, the most expertised Pentesters (that used to work as Hackers in the Dark Web before your company recruited them) and the Most accurate super-behavioral SIEM (based on Big Data®) on the market.
A really romantic conversation starts about “Hacking“, Information Security, and viri – the plural of virus as it is a latin word (you will try fuckin’ everything to impress her). You mention how someone broke into your Gmail the other day, but you logged in quickly and locked him out by insta-changing the password, how you are sure that your Android Device takes pictures of you, how aware you are about e-mail phishing, and you play your final card with Advanced Persistent Threats (pronounced really slowly as English isn’t your mother tongue – and you speak in English while you are both Greek), what happened in 2009 and mr.Robot.
Those conversations make my heart warmer. Always between someone that hasn’t spawned a ‘cmd.exe‘ in his life (locally, not remotely) and someone else that Just-Only-Really needs his company certified and doesn’t give a shit about computers apart from Microsoft Excel (he is the one that runs the macros to “Enable Editing” just for the hell of it – because this button shouldn’t stay there unclicked).
So romantic that my heart skips!
Endgame / Aftersale
Her company is now a client of yours, got certified and you continue dating her… The RA/PenTest/SIEM Integration went great, found a lot of issues and all. Her company hired another company to fix the bare minimum of issues (fixing security bugs can be costly) required to pass the certification (enable some SSL, patch the Windows XPs to Service Pack 2 at least -for god’s sake-, refine the ‘any to any‘ Firewalling).
Your dates are great as well! She likes your taste in music and wine and you adore the wide smile she gives you when you talk just about anything (you remind her of her father that until her 15ish she was sure he knew everything – maybe in another article).
After a week you forgot to brush your teeth before going out with her. After two weeks you forgot your wallet at home, remembered about it just before you fire up the Cesaria Evora CD and said “Fuck it, we will eat cheap tonight” – ended up both smoking on a bench (from her cigarettes) talking about your previous relationships, eating chips. After three weeks you turned down a date with her to get wasted with your college friends and after a month you had a hot-dog with chili con-carne and jalapenos session just before you sleep at her place and farted (silently) all night long on her bed.
While you are dating, your company didn’t report all issues found at the latest PenTest and filtered out some of her companies suspicious constant behaviors us “they won’t fix them anyway” (and they won’t, that’s for sure).
In terms of relationships this phenomenon is called Over-Familiarization, in terms of companies this is called Compliance.
The Break-Up / End of Collaboration
One day her company’s website has a DickPic favico and a “Smoke Weed Every Day 420“-whatever Index page, while some domain user double-clicked a “CallOfDuty2_keygen.exe” or downloaded an EXE from the Internets to fix a “ntoskrnl.exe is missing” issue or the CEO clicked at an “Enlarge your Penis” spam e-mail link (spear-phishing?) and got a nasty ransomware that encrypted all SMB folders. Not to mention that some of its domains are blacklisted in spamhaus EDROP.
One day she wakes up feeling utterly neglected. She slept with the lights on, waiting for a call from him. Her mouth has that sour wakeup-taste and she is out of coffee too. Life sucked bad, but not that bad until the phone rang. She got a call from the office (she is a manager – remember! She is never at her office when she is needed) about the situation. There is another Security Company promising to “fix things“. She has to arrange a Business Meeting with her boyfriend to end the collaboration. She was also feeling like breaking-up… Perfect match.
(She knows she won’t miss his sleepovers. Not one bit)
The Good Guy
Oh, that new guy! He is an IT Manager in the Security Company hired to fix everything. And, good lord, he really did!
He works at the R & D department and he is every woman’s dream. He is always like “C’mon babe, let’s try something new” and she is like “That’s the first day of the rest of my life“. We could really say he patched her systems up!
He gets distant sometimes (when he stares at packets or debuggers all day without any outcome), but then he rises up again, better than before, ready for more winter roadtrips, drive-by cinema nights, coffee, cigarettes and breakfast-at-bed Day-Off mornings, or ice-cream afternoons!
It’s once more the who will get the girl problem. And I mean who will really get her. And it’s all about motivation. Greyhats may be “unethical” sometimes (again, it depends heavily on the context) but their heads are pure R&D labs. They lead the way, with the rest of InfoSec community chasing them (DefCon is the bright example where people with questionable ethics spill knowledge freely in every direction)…
And as long as companies rely only to compliance (with that meaning standard procedures, no research) for their income, they refuse to take part in the chase.
And real hackers will continue to really get the girls.